Bad Romance
by RegencyMothball
Summary: Cross-posted from my deviantart. Crack fanfic. Canada x Lady GaGa. Please don't eat me? Chapter One updated! Rating is T, just in case. Might change it later. We'll see R&R please'n'thanks! 3
1. Pilot Chapter

**Bad Romance**

Author's Notes:

Depending on what kinda response I get from this stupid thing I'll post more. For now, you guys can have a pilot chapter. XD

This fic is dedicated to all the obnoxious people who make wisecracks about Lady GaGa and her "secret boyfriend" simply because I cosplay as a guy by the same name. *rolls eyes* Yeah, this is for you.

…and also to Arki. No further explanation for him is needed. He just is.

Absolutely NO thought went into the creation of this monster. It's more or less something I did for shits and giggles and now it's gotten out of control and it's unleashed its unholy wrath upon the internet. No, it's not Godzilla, but it's equally scary and it's out for your blood.

This story is about a guy named Matthew Williams and a really, really big misunderstanding…

* * *

**Prologue**

I'm not completely sure _how _I found myself waking up in a hotel in New York City next to a certain outlandish celebrity… naked… in the gigantic king's bed with her limbs tangled with mine… But it happened, and now I gotta deal with it.

There are rules, you see. People like me… well, we're not _technically _people when you get down to it. And because of that, we're not really supposed to hang around "normal" people who aren't in the know about what we are, as well as the others like us.

I'll get right to the point, I guess.

What if I were to tell you that a certain American by the name of Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta slept with the nation of Canada after a wild party?

You'd laugh, wouldn't you?

But that's what happened. I'm usually the most invisible guy on earth, and somehow last night I brought Lady GaGa _herself_ back to my hotel room and… and…

Oh, god. Alfred's gonna _kill_ me.


	2. UPDATEY THINGS! July 31, 2010

HELLO READERS!

Since I have seriously re-worked this story since the last time we met, I think it's only fair of me to post an Update Chapter real quick so you'll all know what's changed before I post Chapter One. That way you guys don't spontaneously Combust in the chaos that might ensue from the confusion caused by any rabid fangirls out there. *squints at the screen* I know you're lurking...

Also, I apologize for the delay in writing. My old computer kicked the bucket recently so I would have had this done much sooner. Anyrate, I now have the new computer and it is SHINY! It also runs smoother than the old one which had Celeron. Does anyone else remember when that processor was fast? *cue laughter from the audience*

So anyway... First off, this fic is still being cross-posted to my DeviantART so if any of you guys reading this have a DA you're all more than welcome to stalk me-I mean add me to your WATCH list. I'm also hoping someone might draw me some fan art soon. W Fan art is so much win. Especially because I myself am horrible at drawing. It is not a wise decision to give me oil paints. (My grandmother who is a painter learned this the hard way...)

So yeah. Here is a link to the NEW AND IMPROVED beginning of this monstrosity of a fan fic that I created. h t t p : / regencymothball . deviantart . com /gallery/ #/ d2v9zy4

You'll wanna take out the spaces in there and whatnot... XD

The newly re-written plotline does actually have a couple differences from the pilot chapter I wrote millions of years ago, when the world was still young. *brick'd* Sorry. I'll stop with the corny jokes.

For starters, the birthday party for Alfred mentioned in that one is now backstory. And before you tell me the sex was a lie and that you want your innocence back goddammit, I shall tell you that the sex was intended to have been Mattie assuming stupid things while panicking. Cause that's what he does.

I also wrote a better disclaimer for this, as well as a snappy-sounding PLOT SUMMARY! It's mosly cause the TEENY TINY space we're given on FF.N that boggles my mind when I try to make my summary sound less wordy and fail epically at a seemingly simple task. Thus, I have written a run-of-the-mill back-of-the-dimestore-novel blurb for this story.

Have at it:

Matthew Williams (the Nation of Canada) wakes up one morning to discover that he might have had sex with one of his brother's most famous celebrities-Lady GaGa!

Things start to heat up, and Matthew struggles with a few internal battles as he finds himself falling for her, but then Lady GaGa that she has a few insecurities of her own. It's no easy thing, being THE most easily spotted celeb on earth.

Matthew can relate-sort of.

Together, the world's most invisible man and most outgoing woman and find themselves on a wild and crazy roller-coaster ride as they dodge the press and paparazzi, New York gangsters and Matthew's insane family, and along the way, even learn a few things about themselves from each other.

Matthew teaches Stefani Germanotta that she doesn't have to be GaGa 24/7 and that there's always time to stop and smell the roses.

Stefani teaches Matthew Williams something even more amazing in return:

That a 'Bad Romance' might not actually be so bad after all!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST! The new chapter will be up very very soon. As in... Like five minutes from now when I upload the document and stuff. I'm having problems with the new system. I used to lurk around ages ago when I was a dorky Pokemon fan who wrote fan fictions CHOCK FULL OF MARY SUES. Oh man... The me of my middle school days was just so... naively innocent. *shot*

Anyway. Thank you all so much for the reviews and support. Stay tuned, because THIS TIME I'm gonna try to update weekly if I can. There will be a week I skip, mostly because I'll be visiting Canada for a while and the week I skip is the one that's CRAZY because I'm flying to Vancouver where I'll be meeting with my friend Steph who's dragging me off to Anime Evolution! I'll be cosplaying as Canada and America during the weekend, so if any of you readers happen to be there, most definitely try to find me and chat me up. I love meeting people~

- RegencyMothball


	3. There's A Monster In My Bed

**Chapter One: There's A Monster In My Bed**

The "horizontal mambo" wasn't really what Matthew Williams had in mind when he went to a famously club called _Femme Fatale_ in downtown New York City that night for dancing and drinking. It really wasn't. But when he awoke the next morning in a hotel bed with his arms around a certain A-List celebrity most famously known for being outrageous and controversial—Lady GaGa herself—his mind short-circuited.

_Lady GaGa and I…? What exactly have we done in this room?_ His hands fumbled on the nightstand for a pair of glasses already knocked askew and dangling from his ear. He huffed and righted them, pinching gently at the bridge of his nose when a dull ache wormed its way between his ears to remind him that he would be fighting a bad hangover for the rest of the day. He turned slightly, and his violet eyes were met with the angelic sleeping face of a woman normally considered a 'monster.' He wasn't sure where that blurred line between stage presence and personal issues was, but he was pretty sure he'd just become the only person to get this close to it. She looked so different.

In photos, Lady GaGa always radiated an aura of self-confidence that screamed at the top of its lungs that if you didn't like it you could just go find something else to do. She was an icon for just about everything society itself smothered with what was considered the norm. She stood for self-expression and flew a seven-colored victory banner above a grand battlefield where the abnormal reigned supreme. Matthew admired her for that, just like the hundreds of thousands of her fans the world over.

The Lady GaGa who slept so peacefully beside him with her slender arms wrapped around his waist reminded him more of a little girl clinging lovingly to her favorite teddy bear as she dreamed of faraway places she could see someday when she was a grown woman. In other words, she looked so _innocent_ compared to the usual way she carried herself. Matthew held his breath as he dared himself to brush a few stray strands of gold out of her face. She smiled at his gentle touch and he felt his heart rate soar as he returned the smile. It was contagious. Matthew also realized he had probably just seen something no other person had seen. If anyone found out—_especially_ Alfred—he was a dead man.

But strangely enough, Matthew Williams didn't really care what his brother thought. Maybe it was the infectious aura of confidence, but he honestly felt like he could just stay where he was for a while.

The only problems was that he was drawing a serious blank on how he and Lady GaGa became intimate enough to do the nasty in just one night. He was certainly no Francis, and even if she was a walking controversy and the lyrics in her music often spoke of being able to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted because she can, Matthew hadn't ever pictured her as the promiscuous type. Why would she approach him of all people anyway? That was another thought.

But not only was he unable to tell if anything had actually occurred in his frantic state of mind, the oncoming threat of that hangover was making his memory fuzzier than Kumajirou's ears. Matthew didn't have too much more time to harp on it, however. Lady GaGa stirred beside him and Matthew held his breath again, waiting for at least some indication that she didn't remember who he was. It was the first time he had ever wished for his invisibility powers to kick in from the bottom of his heart!

"Matt…" she mumbled, "Could ya make me a coffee?"

She knew his name. As he suddenly remembered to breath and a gust of air rushed into his lungs and only served to make his jittery nerves even worse, Matthew grappled with his better judgment in a desperate attempt to grasp such a foreign concept.

Lady GaGa _knew his name._

And she called him with the same level of familiarity that his brother would use!

In any other case, Matthew would have been ecstatic, but because he was such a docile person anyway, he didn't even question any of it right away. It would probably slam into him later and cause him a great deal of frustration and embarrassment and he'd spend hours trying to come up with a way to apologize to her properly, but he was just too dumbstruck to do much more than roll out of bed and drag himself across the room to make two cups of generic coffee flavored mop-water with the coffee maker that was provided for them – and mid-process discover that he was still wearing his jeans. _Strange… Then we really didn't do anything last night._

Because who in their right mind would wears their pants AFTER having sex?

Matthew chuckled to himself as he suddenly thought that Francis would probably come up with a way to make it work. He _was_ the country of love after all. Matthew's thoughts only paused a moment when he looked bashfully over his shoulder at the bed again, as if he had been afraid he'd dreamed all of this.

But Lady GaGa was still there, tugging the thin spaghetti-straps of her camisole back up as she yawned and rubbed her eyes, still channeling the small girl after a nap. Matthew wondered for a moment if he was mistaken and that this woman was not who he thought she was. He was simply delusional. That must be the case…

The real Lady GaGa wouldn't show a stranger such a vulnerable side of herself, would she?

Or maybe it was because they were complete strangers that she felt comfortable around him. Matthew caught his shoulders drooping with evident disappointment and straightened his back quickly. Besides, he had no real reason to be disappointed, right? Lady GaGa was a human, and a celebrity at that. What on earth could he ever hope to achieve by pursuing her? Nations couldn't be with humans. It was taboo. And Francis had learned it firsthand when he met Jeanne d'Arc. _"To be with a normal human is to willingly live a life of despair."_ Arthur had explained once. Maybe that was what made Matthew feel so gloomy all of a sudden, but he tried to smile at her anyway as he waited for the water to boil.

Besides, the reason people would offer their hearts to the bartender at whichever speak-easy or back alley hovel they made their nightly haunt was similar. The city was just that way—merciless and cruel to those who didn't adapt quickly, benevolent and kind to the poor souls who longed for a dream to hold onto, and altogether mysteriously inviting and alive on its own. The city breathed like it was a living person on its own, and Matthew loved it. He felt like it was the same as him—forever giving to others and never asking for anything in return if only for the sake of being remembered next time someone needed him.

Even if it was Alfred's city, New York was a place where Matthew felt like he could be himself even more easily than in his own land. Many of his citizens worked here in the daytime and some commuted across the border often for countless other reasons. He knew New York City well, and he himself would escape beneath the skyscraper-framed twilight where the city lights would flicker to life until they severely outnumbered the stars in the sky and twinkled more loudly with an artificial glow that melted the darkness into a blur of dimly lit colors. Matthew was a moth drawn to a flame just before it was snuffed out for the night, and he was perfectly fine with it. Reality wasn't his favorite place to be and the club scene he indulged in every now and then was where he felt he could re-invent himself. He didn't have to be Canada when he was there. He could be Matthew Williams, a handsome young law student who studied in Montreal and spent his leisure time in New York City because he was enchanted by the night life.

Matthew was very much used to starry skies and clean air and nothing else for miles and miles but a peaceful quiet that had recently started to make him feel smothered by an invisible blanket of nothing, but the light and sound and even the smell of smog in the air managed to entrance him every time he thought about them.

Lady GaGa was a native to this city, so it should have been no surprise that he would eventually meet her in this city, but why he had brought her here to the hotel room reserved for his and his brother's use only (and usually for movie night and hockey night only) was completely illusive in his attempts to figure out what on earth he had been thinking the night before.

He just couldn't remember, and because of that he suddenly felt even more flustered than before. The temperature of his cheeks spiked just as the coffee maker shut itself off and Matthew remembered where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. He was suddenly thankful for his mind wandering because the hot water in the two hotel coffee cups was clear. He'd forgotten to add the coffee mix, and so he rooted around for any tea that might have been mixed in with the coffee blend packets. He found Green Tea, Jasmine Tea and Earl Gray. He chose the latter of the three and dunked the teabags into the mugs and poked them down farther into the water with a thin paper stirring stick. The liquid started to change color and the smell of the blend filled the room as he brought the cups back to the bed with him.

Lady GaGa laughed as Matthew handed over her cup and sat down on the edge of the bed. The color in his cheeks burned until his ears were a lovely shade of rouge too. "I bet you don't remember last night." She told him, and Matthew felt his heart jump into his throat. Lady GaGa kept speaking, though, in a friendly tone that seemed like she and Matthew had known each other their whole lives. They had time to kill while waiting for the tea to be done, so she continued her story. "We've met at that club before. Twice. But I make a habit of looking like a different person every time I go in there, what with how easily recognized I am." Matthew realized he might have looked sympathetic, because she paused and added, "It's not so bad. I love dressing up."

"Twice?" was all Matthew could manage when he'd calmed his nerves long enough to converse with her. This reminded him of how awkward everything got when he tried to talk to Katyusha.

"Yeah. The first time I wore a lot of leather." She grinned at this like it was an inside-joke with herself, and Matthew smiled at her. "The second time I was wearing red, and you told me that I looked pretty in that color." She laughed, and pulled the teabag out of her cup and simply tossed it aside. It was just tea. It wouldn't damage the sheets bad enough for the hotel staff to be angry about it. Taking a sip, she closed her eyes, and Matthew thought to himself that he never realized how long her eyelashes were. She hummed into the cup and then looked back up at Matthew as she continued, "You were in one of the shadiest clubs on the boulevard and speaking to me like a gentleman. It was so contradictory that I couldn't help but become interested in you."

Matthew frowned thoughtfully as he drank his own tea, leaving the teabag where it was. He could throw his away with hers when he felt like getting up again. He remembered that there had indeed been a blond girl he spent an evening with at that club, and that she wore black skinny jeans that were so tight that they looked like they were painted on, a simple red halter top and matching converse sneakers. He couldn't remember her face, but when Lady GaGa smiled serenely at him like that girl had, he remembered her name.

"Stefani?" He was sure they were the same girl. "You were Stefani?"

"I used my real name that night. I don't usually do that." she replied, her grin only seeming to widen more until she looked like a distant relative of the Cheshire Cat. Matthew could tell she could see how badly he was blushing, and he didn't need much more than that characteristic spark in her eye—the same kind Alfred had whenever he had a terrible idea—to know that he was probably blushing all the way to his collarbone. "Imagine my surprise when I accidentally learned who you really are." Stefani said, her voice taking on a seductive quality like a bond girl trying to weed information out of a suave secret agent. "That sweet Canadian boy I met on the Fourth of July last year at the Femme Fatale wasn't just any Canadian, but the very spirit of Canada himself!"

Matthew was too shocked to see the amused look on Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta's face. His reaction didn't make matters any better—he was just too adorably flustered for her not to laugh again.

"What an amazing coincidence that I would meet the most invisible man on earth." She said, her voice suddenly mirroring the disappointment Matthew had felt earlier. "We're such an odd pair."

"Are you—?"

"I like it!"


End file.
